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While this isn’t strictly food related, I thought it a worthwhile story to share…
On March 29, Rob and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe that we have now been married half the time we’ve been together, and even harder to believe it’s been only two years – it already feels like a lifetime in the best possible way.
Being the foodies we are, we like to celebrate every occasion with a special meal. Sometimes I spend a day cooking several courses and sometimes we make a reservation at a restaurant we’ve been curious about.
This anniversary, we chose the latter. Recently, Slow Food started working toward a partnership with Bistro Sofia, a little house-turned-restaurant on Dolley Madison, right off of Friendly. In this partnership, Slow Food is helping Bistro Sofia connect with a local farmer for as much of their produce as possible. It’s a natural fit for BS which prides itself on its recycle program and previous support of local and sustainable farming.
I try to use my money as a vote for how I’d like the world to be. It’s not always possible, of course, but in this case, money spent at BS was a vote for Slow Food, local agriculture and restaurants who think outside the box trucks of commercial suppliers. I made the reservation and spent the next few days drooling over their online menu.
So the 29th rolls around; Rob kept his work duds on and I even wore pantyhose and heels (you know I’m serious when the heels find their way out of the back of the closet). We arrived early for our reservation but I called and they were pleasant and inviting. I may be a staunch feminist but I still love chivalry (and try to practice it myself); the host not only took my jacket but held my chair. I was practically swooning. But it gets better: he came back and sprinkled celestial confetti on our table in recognition of our anniversary.
Those of
you who know us know that Rob and I are a giggly pair – people around us are
generally charmed or nauseated but it works for us either way. That said, we order our wine and turn our
attention to our dinner menus. Rob’s
eagle-eye soon lands on a notice on the bottom left-hand corner of the menu
announcing an “excessive bread service” charge of $2.00. So, let us get this straight: $25.00 entrees
(average) and a bread service charge?
Still, we’re not ones to miss an opportunity for smack talking so when our waiter, Josh, returns, Rob, laughing, asks about the fee.
Josh leans in and says quietly, “Oh, that’s for the Jews.”
You don’t have to scroll too far back in my blog archives to realize that I’m Jewish. Now, being a lifelong Southerner, I have certainly faced this kind of comment before. And I have been known to react in a variety of ways: as a teen, I would yell and make a general nuisance of myself; in my early twenties I would encourage people to elaborate, thereby digging their own graves – then I would stuff them in it with a guilt-laden lecture; more recently my tendency is to stop people at the first off-comment, tell them I’m Jewish and gently steer them to understanding.
Knowing all of this, Rob turns to me as Josh stuffs his foot down his throat. Rob is gauging my reaction so his can match. I start laughing; he starts laughing. Josh digs his ditch a little further before I can tell him I’m Jewish. And thus began the back pedaling… It’s only some Jewish customers, they’ll eat two loaves of bread, the notice is mostly a conversation starter and, what he thought was his trump card, the owner is Jewish.
Once Josh finally stops talking and leaves the table, Rob and I debate leaving. But you can’t educate people if you leave and, more importantly, you certainly can’t make people uncomfortable. So we decide to stay and make ourselves examples of why stereotypes are useless. We also decide that I would write a letter to the owner, Beth, the next day.
It’s only fair to say that Josh turns out to be a good waiter – a little snooty (he physically balked when we ordered one appetizer to share) but generally attentive enough without staying underfoot. And the food… good golly, the food was exquisite. The appetizer we shared was the Confit of Duck leg with Braised Lentils and a Balsamic Reduction – the flavors were perfectly balanced with the rich duck meat and the saltiness of the lentil countering the sweet tanginess of the balsamic reduction.
My mom has already given me a mostly-teasing dressing down for my entree so I’ll just go ahead and fess up: pork tenderloin! I haven’t kept kosher… well, now that I think about it I’ve probably been not keeping kosher longer than I kept kosher. I love the idea of kashrut, that it’s a constant reminder of Jewish roots… but I also love pork tenderloin… and shrimp… and goat cheese stuffed chicken breasts…
Anyway, Rob had the lamb with an espresso barbecue sauce and both of our dishes were unbelievable. We finished the meal with warm chocolate cake which came with roasted banana ice cream and a guava sauce. (Josh, apparently unable to believe we would share a dessert in addition to sharing an appetizer, brought, and charged us for, two desserts. C’est la vie.) The bread, well, it was okay…
All in all,
I would have to say that our meal ranked up there as one of the best meals
we’ve had in
At the end of the evening, we sipped our coffee (which they serve with sugar cubes – who knew those were still around?) while Josh charged our meal to our bank card. All $1,250.00 of it. Seriously, that’s what he charged us.
While Rob and I live in a lovely home which we’re slowly buying from the bank, and have many lovely luxuries like tivo and four pets with updated shots, sticking a charge for $1,250.00 in our checking account set off a decidedly unpretty chain of events. Though Josh apparently voided the charge while we finished our coffee, by the time we got home to check our account online, our checking was drained, our savings had been tapped into, previous charges we bouncing like hotties in a hip-hop video and we were incurring overdraft fees like crazy.
In an usual role reversal, I was slightly calmer than Rob at this point so I called over to BS and asked to speak to the manager, who turned out to be a fellow by the name of Kerrie, one of the lanky gentlemen assisting Josh throughout the evening. When I told Kerrie about the charge, his initial reaction was to laugh. Believe me when I tell you, the giggling part of my evening was long since over.
Once the titters died down, Kerrie said he didn’t think there was anything he could do but made himself available if the bank could find him useful. Then he says something about how great Josh is. And then the conversation devolved:
Sarah: Honestly, we weren’t thrilled with Josh’s service before he brought the bill.
Kerrie (oddly frantic in tone): We
tried to make you feel as welcome as we could!
Sarah: You and the other gentleman were lovely but Josh said some off-color things that we found offensive.
Kerrie: Well, I will certainly speak with him about that.
Okay, the boring and good part of the evening is that we bank with Wachovia and they rock – I think the employees are somehow tested on their rockingness before they’re hired because I have yet to encounter one of their employees that didn’t rock. So the woman at the Wachovia call-center had me call Kerrie on 3-way to verify it’s an overcharge (he was very polite and helpful during that call) and clears up the charge – in fact, the next morning, there’s no charge at all – not even for the expenses we incurred during our meal.
The next day I tracked down the owner’s email address and write a letter almost as long as this post, detailing the good and the bad parts of the evening. I also tell her that the entire charge was gone and thanked her if that was their way of making amends, and offering to come back and settle my bill if it was an oversight. I did tell one unintentional white lie: that my only motivation was to give feedback and that I wasn’t looking for retribution or an apology – I thought I meant that when I wrote it but I was wrong. I did want an apology and a damn good one at that… and maybe a little Member of the Tribe camaraderie.
Two days pass during which I tell everyone I run into. Not only do I think people should know the story but, in a way, it’s fun to tell, especially to other Jews. Almost everyone has the same reaction: first, their mouths drop open. Then they say something like, “No Way!” And then they start laughing hysterically because, really, what else can you do? And sometimes, they suggest that I expose BS through my upcoming regular column in the News & Record. I thought one couple was even going to offer to head up a picket line.
Finally, Beth wrote back. Here are some direct quotes:
“I was very upset while reading your letter because
I have been in many situations like this since moving to the South.”
“When Josh read your letter, he was very
embarrassed. Josh is very proud to be working at Bistro Sofia and would never
intentionally insult a customer.”
“I
understand if you do not return to Bistro Sofia but I hope you will. I think
you will find the staff, the ambience and the food a pleasure. My staff at
Bistro Sofia are genuinely good people and try to create a wonderful experience
for the guest to remember.”
I was satisfied with her response… for a few minutes. That’s about how long it took me to start up Quicken to balance our checking account. There it was, in the automatically downloaded transactions: a charge from BS for the amount of our dinner (including a tip for Josh with my husband generously left – can’t say that I would have), posted after I sent the email to Beth. No warning, no nothing – just a charge like a slap in the face.
I’ve been working in various parts of the food industry most of my working life. My sister managed Lucky 32 after she graduated college. And in our experience, no amount is too great to comp if it means keeping a customer and keeping them from talking badly about you to their friends… or blog readers.
I’ve spent the last two weeks mulling over that whole experience. I have had similar experiences but this one was so much more shocking because of the situation. In the past, the anti-Semitism I’ve faced has been dumb school kids, drunken party goers, and simple, ignorant country folk. Those times have stung but never like having to face it in an upscale restaurant where it was apparently condoned, if only through inaction, by the Jewish owner.
Maybe I will still write about it in the News & Record. Or maybe I’ll post this cruelly long blog post, add the experience to my “life of a Southern Jew” list and cook for our next special occasion.
As for the rabbis getting involved, I think once the info is in the public sphere, it's up to each individual to decide what they want to do with it.
Sarah
When you say that the anti-Semitism you faced has been from "dumb school kids, drunken party goers and simple ignorant country folk", is that opposed to the simple, ignorant city folk? Because I grew up in the country, and the first anti-Semitic remark I ever heard (other than on TV and movies) was after I moved to the city of Greensboro. I'm not saying that there are no anti-Semites in the country, but perhaps this is a stereotype as well.
I have certainly met my fair share of incredibly bright country folk and incredibly ignorant city folk - I no more think all country folk are simple and ignorant than I think all school kids are dumb... or that all Jews love bread!
Thanks for commenting and your support!
Sarah
The other thing that came to mind when I read this was that the worst sexism I have ever experienced came from women. Sometimes people are their own worst enemies!
Peace,
Laurie
jw
http://howdoyoulikeme.blogspot.com/
-Sarah
Your accounts of your evening at Bistro Sofia just keep getting "better". It is interesting to first hear, then to see, then to see AGAIN how the account has changed, been colored, and been colored outside of the lines of truth. Let me "enlighten" you to a few things.
There is a GREAT thing in life called "SATIRE" - at 27 years old mine is highly developed. At Bistro Sofia we plainly state on the menu cover "Serious dining for diners who don't take themselves too seriously". We have a fiercely loyal following that "get" us. You clearly do not qualify, but it is not because you are Jewish, it is because you are an insecure reason for the perpetuations of the problems that you delusionally think are alive at our little Bistro That Could.
I NEVER said "that is for the Jews", in regards to our comment on the menu (by the way NO ONE HAS EVER CHARGED A CUSTOMER FOR ANY AMOUNT OF BREAD, IT IS A SEMI-SERIOUS JOKE. Oh, I said "semi", am I prejudice?). When you asked me about the bread charge I said "well we have a large Jewish following, and we are Jewish owned and operated, and you know how our Jewish friends like their bread", with my tone and FACE literally escalating in pitch at the end to indicate sarcasm - MAKING FUN OF THE MERE EXISTENCE OF THE STEREOTYPE. There was not a foot in my mouth. In addition, I have NEVER scoffed at anyone who chooses to share an appetizer. I have much better things to think about, like taking tailored care of my guests regardless of if they want to stand on the table and whistle Dixie, yell "I'm Jewish and love bread", basically anything but have sex, to get their money's worth of kicks MUCH LESS share a salad, which by the way are large enough to share - something I know and understand. Where you get these ideas are beyond ALL of us - "us" meaning everyone who knows both Kerrie and me. I have never been concerned with check averages and never will. Neither is Kerrie. He has been my mentor and teacher for ten years and taught me to NEVER think that way. Often he chooses the less-expensive wine for a customer when he COULD milk them for all they're worth, without them even caring! I do not waste my life worrying about imbalance -all I live and breathe is the faith in balance. I have been doing this for ten years. I am not and will NEVER scoff over the extra $.50 that I MAY or MAY NOT get from someone sharing a salad. Please.
In ten years of fine-dining you are the SECOND customer whose card I have over-authorized (note the word "authorized") by mistakenly hitting one extra number on the keypad. It would seem that the people who constantly look for and expect something to be wrong or go wrong will CERTAINLY find it. On that note, we NEVER over-charged you for your meal; I mistakenly pre-authorized your account for an amount which included one simple slip of the finger on the keypad which changed the amount to a four digit number. Pardon our ARCHAIC system, but we make baby-steps towards high-tech dining - you should see our office, it is like a space ship, but the credit card machine is just next on our list, you know, removing the human error factor from it. It was immediately adjusted and would have NEVER actually deducted that amount from your account. By the way, if the people at Wachovia are consistently nice and "rock" to you, then you obviously have enough of a financial cushion to handle a pre-authorization for the wrong amount. Ninety-nine percent of the rest of the population have not had the same experience with Wachovia, aka "Walk-all-over-ya", which is exactly what you are doing to Bistro Sofia. As smart as you seem to think you are where is your knowledge of how the debit card system works? I plainly told you EXACTLY how to remove the temporary hold, and you still called back to inquire about it, doing everything I said to do in reverse order and upsetting yourself, just to find out that you needed to follow the very exact avenues that I explained to do in the first place. WAIT, this keeps getting better.
Just so you know, the Jewish community has been an integral, loved and appreciated part of my entire life. Aside from Beth and Jerry being like second parents and true inspirations, I lived with the original Assistant Headmaster of the American Hebrew Academy for five years and saw the entire creation of the Academy from beginning to end. I was there for the tears, the fears, the entire ride. As a matter of fact I did a little working behind the scenes to help it on it's way, as my partner was the one who basically did all of the initial internal work to develop the protocol and recruit the students while he was grossly underpaid. I even know how much EACH of those stones that make up the beautiful gates cost as well as the OVERCHARGE that occurred, something to the tune of $800,000,000. If you don't know what I mean, then I'm not telling you. Let’s just say that THIS was not a pre-authorization.
This was a job of love and loyalty to the Headmaster and to the Jewish community and their contributions to society. My partner was not even Jewish, but due to his intelligence he was hired for the job anyway. He was a southern Baptist "bumpkin", so place that in your Wachovia coin purse and shake it. I happen to wake up each day and have the pleasure of looking at a very expensive ($12,000) and rare water-color painting GIVEN to my family by Alvin Mars, the original Headmaster of the American Hebrew Academy. In addition, I just returned from Manhattan last night (just to have to swallow your crazy blog) where I went for an interview with a company who serves mostly Israelis. I am also learning to speak Hebrew and my favorite author in the World is Chaim Potok. My favorite teacher at UNC-G is Hebrew and I see her regularly after being out of college for five years. In addition I am a bi-sexual spiritualist who lives with a black lesbian. How you luv dat? OOPS! Ebonics are not P.C., but my roommate does not seem to mind because she is not worried about herself. It is kind of like this: on April 27, 2006 "South Park" won the very prestigious Peabody Award for "teaching intolerance by demonstrating intolerance [satirically]". One of the main things they "make fun of" are Jewish people, but they aren't. The times have changed and taken this issue to the next level - CATCH UP - (ketchup (n.), a condiment made with tomatoes, vinegar and salt, most often consumed in fine dining establishments to the dismay of ALL waiters by people indigenous to the Southeastern United States).
My NON-WESTERN RELIGION teacher at UNC-G identified me as a Mystic, so how 'bout those bumpkin apples? I also have dinner on a regular basis with two different families whom I met through The American Hebrew Academy. I dine in their homes and dine out with them (and I am never allowed to pay), and if you asked them (if I felt comfortable disclosing their names to the likes of your insecurities and maliciousness) they would laugh out loud at your anti-semantic accusations of me. They are, in fact, completely absurd.
You did not say ANYTHING during your meal, when you could have easily. This indicated a lack of tack on YOUR behalf. You did not know what to do, or HOW to do it. On the topic, you indicate that I talked excessively - not true, no bumbling occurred although it is an added dash of salt to your slicing blog. There was not washing down of the foot, there was no foot, only disappointment that you didn't "get it". There was only assumption that our seemingly great rapport thus far had indicated your ability to pick when satire was in use. THAT is what I am guilty of - giving you credit in the first place. Then you sat there the entire time and acted like the world was wonderful and all was well and when you leave you sink in your fangs to not only me, but a restaurant that has struggled from the start to stay alive through all kinds of odds here in "THE SOUTH", also the only restaurant of its type in the area, practicing sustainable farming support, recycling, etc. If not for our "JEWS", which is a shortened word I NEVER used, although it is not technically inappropriate, I would not be sitting here in my lovely apartment, looking out the window at my brand new REDNECK dream truck - which I bought thanks to the Jewish community, indirectly, not by hustling an extra salad or chocolate cake here and there.
Thanks for making your experience bad and blaming it on us (not really, I'm being SARCASTIC). As a matter of fact, I do not thank you.
Most Sincerely,
Joshua Michael Anthony
jmichaelanthony@gmail.com, bring on the onslaught
PS> I dare you not to delete this form your blog
-Sarah
We here in the South celebrate ALL people who are "cool". We don't care who they are, as along as they are nice. I am a perfect example of this. I have VERY southern redneck friends and acquaintances who would normally whip a "gay" man's ass, but they don't because I shine through the stereotypes and they APPRECIATE it. We choose to be this way because the majority of people are stupid and "iggnant", many thanks to the American media mainstream. We also "celebrate our crazy people", as Dixie Carter says. We celebrate the qualities and even the "stereotypes" that make life colorful in the presence of people who we know, and sometimes unfortunately THINK or ASSUME, are on the same page as us. It is called "walking through this world without a chip on your shoulder". I am only guilty of assuming your sense of humor.
In final conclusion, once again my FAVORITE singer and songwriter of ALL time is Ani Difranco, a big ole' Jew, with immigrant parents. Listen to or read her words sometime if you truly want comfort in knowing how I feel about you, then OR now.
I truly apologize for the misunderstanding.
Joshua
-Sarah
Wow, Josh....thats all i can say...wow.
Hey, how come whenever I''ve tried the ol' "one of my best friends is (enter minority of choice here)" bit it never works for me? Generally white males get a bunch of eye rolling and smirking at this tactic. Hmmm...must be one of those pesky little double standard things.
It dawned on me that we have strayed a bit from the primary focus of Sarah's original post, and this goes for most of the responding posts as well. What the story was really about is customer service in the food business. I spent about 10 years in the business doing everything from short order grill cook and bartending, to managing large catered functions, and I learned a lot about dealing with people. Although the story is housed within a conversation about anti-semitism and sensitivity, the message has much wider scope. If you don't know somebody, and know them well, you don't make comments to them that could potentially offend. Having friends who are Jewish, gay, African American, white, physically challenged, etc is not that unique in this society. I have found that the more different walks of people I get to know, the more sensitive I become to how other people feel about how they are spoken to, and treated. To assume that you can make any comments to a complete stranger that could even remotely be misunderstood is just not wise. Furthermore, your own socio/economic/racial/sexual orientation/religious status has absolutely nothing to do with how any comments are recieved, nor do they automatically make them acceptable. ESPECIALLY in a customer service related business (yes, I'm trying hard to pull this back around to being something food related).
It looks to me, based on Sarah's original post, that the issue was for the most part resolved. Now, weeks later, the waiter has decided to dredge it back up again.
When I used to be in this wonderful business, the customer was always right...even when they weren't. As annoying as that was to me at the time, in retrospect it just makes good business sense. For instance, had somebody with the restaurant posted a reply that was an apology, and maybe an invitation to Sarah (and anyone else reading the blog) to try the place again sometime and give them a chance to make up for the misunderstanding (even if Sarah was completely telling the story wrong), wouldn't that have made the place look a lot better? Rather, you have the waiter's post about Ani Defranco- and what does that have to do with the price of bread in Greensboro?
Thank you for your insight, in many ways your are absolutely right and what you said coincides with all the training I have had in hospitality, an "industry" that I take very seriously. Still, we all make mistakes, but it should not have such severe consequences since, like you said, it all seemed to be resolved to Sarah's satisfaction - then suddenly it was not - and that was NOT due to the pre-authorization issue. That is false, misleading and convenient to say. Thanks again for your words, I will always remember them in the future. I would have appreciated the hear them from Sarah herself and to show her through my response that I am truly sorry and capable of being corrected - BUT NOT accused of so much and have our restaurant, OUR blood, sweat and tears dragged through the mud of an over-blown issue. Ugh, I will not be writing back, I do not have time for this - I will not be checking back either. In addition, Sarah grasps for a reason to make me look stupid by noting that I posted the response in the wrong place, when I only followed the link I was given and clicked on "comment". Again, I do not "blog", although I am an IT professional, it is a luxury that I do not care to partake of, and don't have the time to do anyway. I can be reached at jmichaelanthony@gmail.com. Thank you to the last person who wrote - and I am not being sarcastic in this instance. Thanks for writing something respectful. Sincerely, Joshua
This isn't about him.
It's about how a local restaurant completely ruined someone's wedding anniversary--and then did not make appropriate amends--to try and win back that customer and their future business, period.
The fact that we live in an age of electronic communication means that mistreating 2 customers can be equivalent to mistreating hundreds! Who among us does not surf the Net for opinions and recommendations from users of every type of product and service?
The short-sightedness of the restaurant owner in not making appropriate, swift, and tactful amends to a disgruntled customer is particularly ... short-sighted! Owner of Bistro Sophia, you've got a public relations crisis on your hands--handle it!
As for the post above mine... I guess there's a differnce between reading everything and comprehending everything... I'm not sure how much clearer you can be about your displeasure at a dining experience then:
Sarah: Honestly, we weren’t thrilled with Josh’s service before he brought the bill.
Kerrie (oddly frantic in tone): We tried to make you feel as welcome as we could!
Sarah: You and the other gentleman were lovely but Josh said some off-color things that we found offensive.
Kerrie: Well, I will certainly speak with him about that.
Hmmm I wonder what could be more clear at your displeasure than that... maybe they should write the owner... Sorry that last comment my own attempt at satire... I must admit I'm no master.
So I asked myself: WHY? Why must I live in fear of ordering more bread? Why can't I order bread until my heart is content? So I've decided to create a new organisation: Bread Lovers Without Borders.
I have hopes that Bread Lovers Without Borders will bring together bread lovers of all nationalities, and that together we can end the narrow minded prejudices against those who love bread.
So with this post I am asking both the Jones and the Bistro parties to put aside their differences and join this organisation. Come together out of your differences and prove that a love of bread can indeed unite instead of divide. We at Bread Lovers Without Borders are also hoping that the caring people at Bistro will help us get our feet under us and sponosor our website.
Edited by ThoughtForFood on 5/15/2006 at 7:47 PM
As regular Thought for Food readers may know, because this blog is about information and happy little musings, I rarely get comments posted. I mean, really, what would you say, “Right on, Sarah – sweet potatoes do rock!” Why bother? I wrote this piece here instead of in my News & Record column because though I felt my experience was worth sharing, I didn’t think it was worth broadcasting to the 200,000+ who read the News & Record; I thought it was a poorly handled customer service situation that my 30 or so regular readers would find interesting.
I am absolutely tickled at the subsequent conversation: the outraged comments, the comments in support of Bistro Sofia, the angry letters and comments from the staff of Bistro Sofia. Just as they put their food and service in the public forum by being a public business, I put my writing in the public forum through this blog and the paper. In both instances, we invite a public response and I’m so happy that many of you took time to give one.
-Sarah
Edited by ThoughtForFood on 5/16/2006 at 7:36 AM
-Sarah
Especially when dining.
Always use a credit card.
JP